She nodded and said, “Yes” He edged closer, trying to say her name while still shaking his head slightly, but was unable to make the word go from his mind to his mouth. Instead, he reached out a trembling hand to touch her cheek and make sure she was real and not some creation of his imagination he was seeing. She gasped at the contact and he knew, “Oh, God Doc, it’s you…it’s you.. Oh my God Doc, it’s you! He pulled her tight to his body and stroked her silky hair as if worshipping her, trying to convince himself she was actually back in his arms.” Oh my God.. Oh my God…” he repeated the phrase, feeling completely overwhelmed by powerful emotions, while gently running his fingers through her radiant silky hair.
She melted into his blissful embrace with tears in her eyes, she was overjoyed to be held in his strong muscular arms again, for that was the safest, warmest place she had ever known. They held each other for a long time and finally they pulled back to gaze into each other’s moist eyes. “Roman,” she asked tentatively, seeing that he must be in shock. “Are you allright?”
His mouth was still wide open, an expression of numb surprise on his face as he stared, making sure he could believe what his eyes were telling him. “You’re real,” he said incredulously.
Marlena nodded and smiled with joyful tears running down her face, confirming his uncertain statement.
“When you were gone, I thought I’d never see you again,” he said, his heart beginning to believe, his mind still wondering how it was possible. His breathing was ragged with the rush of joyful adrenaline that was coursing through his veins.
“Roman I know this is really hard to believe…” she said wanting to help him accept the reality of her reappearance.
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Almost muttering he stared into her eyes saying, “It was a dream, I thought it was a dream…” Then more firmly he responded to her, “I’m not questioning it, Doc, you’re real, you’re here!” Nuzzling her face, he rested his forehead on hers and rubbed his cheek against the soft smooth skin of her face, savoring every second of the contact between them. The impossible had happened, his greatest love, his soulmate had returned from the dead after five agonizing years.
“Oh Roman,” she sighed, relishing the feeling of just being near him again.
“You’re here,” he repeated in amazement. Cupping her face and neck in his gentle grasp, he engaged her in a lingering, caressing, almost worshipful kiss which mesmerized them both.
“Get closer, get closer!” she cried, almost desperately. She had longed for an embrace like this one and her dream was coming true. Roman clearly loved her and was thrilled to have her back again. They alternated between holding each other in an intense clinch and staring deeply into each other’s eyes, feeling elated to be reunited after so long.
The reality of what was happening began to sink in and Roman started putting together the bits and pieces of his day. As he pulled out of the embrace he started talking about it, “There was a note from someone, it said to meet me at the Continental Bar, that was you, wasn’t it?” he asked confidantly.
“Yes,” she answered calmly, understanding his need to make sense out it all.
“But when I showed up late, you went to the house?”
“Yes,” she said, a little less comfortably.
“But you left the house,” he said feeling confused by her actions, his puzzled expression making her uncomfortable. His hands were still in the same position, the way they had been, in front of him at chest level.
Marlena pulled away, feeling apprehensive, she tried to explain her thinking, “Roman there were so many people there and I just had to be alone with you.” Not wanting to look at his questioning gaze, she turned her back, starting an explanation for his benefit. With a trembling voice she said, “I thought if…well I just had the feeling that maybe…”
Still confused, but concerned for her feelings, he approached her, touching her on the upper part of her left arm. Turning her to him, he asked warmly, “What?”
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“Look, I was so confused…I was so desperate..” Her voice broke as she told him why she came to the pier. Taking his hands again she said, “This place was always so special for us I thought that perhaps if I came here….you’d know. That sounds crazy doesn’t it?”
With growing understanding he said, “No, no I did know, I’ve been fighting it all day, I’ve been fighting it all day…” Roman released her and started walking around, working his brain to make sense out of the events of the day. “I’ve been telling myself I’m so damn rational, so smart….a note from a woman for Captain Brady…wouldn’t leave a message. That’s what was messing with my mind all day…:” Roman put his hands to his head, wanting to fit the pieces together and mesh his emotional and spiritual experience with his rational thinking processes which didn’t come easily.
Apologetically she said, “I wasn’t trying to be mysterious about it, I was just… I was trying to…”
Standing close again, taking her hands in his again, he said with passion, “I knew…what you meant, I knew and even though I kept trying to tell myself it couldn’t be, something inside of me, Doc, that died five years ago was alive again!”
Tears still flowing she cried, “Oh Roman..God..” feeling his angst about the experience.
Holding their hands up toward her face, he spoke passionately again with a throaty voice, as the tears that had filled his eyes started trickling out, “I don’t even know, I can’t even explain it, I just knew that you were out here and something was drawing me to find you!”
“Oh, you must be in shock,” she said, almost whispering as she gazed deeply into his slightly bewildered eyes.
“Yea…..I think you could say that,” he said nodding his head and agreeing as he held and kissed her hands, a confused expression appearing on his face.
Recognizing that it was quite stressful for him, she said, “You just need some time, we just need some time.”
Roman didn’t want to waste any time, and had forgotten all about the people at his house, all thoughts other than the miracle of Marlena’s return gone for the moment. “What about now? I’m talking right this second!”
There was so much for them to handle, “We need to talk,” she told him, wondering what would happen next, but overjoyed to have him with her.
Roman was obviously overcome with emotion and spoke in broken phrases as he parted from her grasp and then returned to her quickly, “Yea… we gotta talk…we can’t talk here, though…we..can’t..we gotta go someplace.. where…do…” Slapping his hands to his head he said rather anxiously, “I can’t even think!” Then he looked into her eyes again and she realized she needed to take the lead, it was all a little too much for Roman to deal with immediately.
Reassuringly she said, “It’s allright… I know where we can go.” Marlena took his hands in hers and guided her love, whose gaze was fixed on her and who was clearly still in shock, over to the stairs. She would take him to the motel room in which she had stayed for a day or so, while trying to get her bearings. Trusting her implicitly, Roman put his arms around her and followed her lead, incredibly grateful to have her back again, but still wondering how it was possible. Roman and Marlena were ecstatic to be together. They refused to let their minds ask all the questions about what was to come in the days and weeks ahead, content for the time being to allow their incomprehensible bond of love to envelop them like a soft blanket surrounding them with its warmth and comfort.
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Roman and Marlena walked arm in arm to the dingy, dreary motel in which Marlena had stayed for a day or two. As Roman surveyed the building and its surroundings, he was appalled and wanted to get her out of there as quickly as possible. She deserved a much more warm welcome home than this place offered her. He made a mental note to convince her to come back to the house with him after they talked, thinking for some reason that she would still be hesitant. Suddenly, it dawned on him, ‘The house…there’s a party for me….and Isabella at the house. Jeez, I almost completely forgot about that. I’m engaged to another woman, I wonder if Doc knows about that.. How could she Roman?’ he asked himself silently. ‘Oh, man what am I gonna tell her? Of course she does Roman, she was there remember? Oh, and…what am I gonna tell Izzy B, she was so happy tonight and now…. Stop it, Roman! First things first, talk to Doc…find out if she’s really allright, ask her what she knows about what happened to her. Tell her how ecstatic you are that she’s here. Enjoy the fact that she’s alive and by some miracle she came back to you, there will be time for all of that later… much later… “God, I’m glad you came back to me, Doc!” he said excitedly to Marlena as they entered the room and stood slightly awkwardly a few feet away from each other.
“Me too, Roman, it’s all a little too much to believe isn’t it?” she asked, seeing the shock and confusion that still registered in his face.
Nodding his head and gazing intently at her, he replied affirmatively, “Yea, forgive me if I keep staring at you, I just have to do that to make myself believe it’s real.”
“It is, I’m back and I’m never going away again. I’m home to stay, Roman.” I wonder if you are as happy about that as I am, she said to herself. ‘Of course he is Marlena, look at the tears in his eyes, on his cheeks, the delightful embrace. He is overjoyed to see you, don’t doubt that. But, will he love me again, will he choose to make his life, his future with me? No, don’t dwell on all that now, Marlena, just enjoy being back home for a little while. We’ll have plenty of time for all that….later.’
Looking around the shabby room and questioning why she didn’t come straight to see him, Roman asked, “So, how long have you been in Salem, Marlena?”
She knew what he wanted and hoped she wouldn’t upset him too much. “Two days,” she said quietly. Upon seeing the puzzled, slightly hurt expression on his face she started to explain it,” Roman I was…”
“Doc, why didn’t you just come to me, didn’t you think I would be happy to see you?” he asked, interrupting.
“Well I…thought…maybe…” Tears were in her eyes again and she stopped speaking and turned her body away from him, the fear that he wouldn’t choose her starting to penetrate her normally strong defenses.
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He approached her and gently turned her around to face him, wanting to reassure her that he was thrilled she had returned to him. “Marlena, let me tell you right now, you have made me incredibly happy, delerious actually. Doc, you can’t know how….much I missed you, how I ached for you… and now you’re here, looking as….beautiful as ever, no, more beautiful than I even remembered.”
“Oh, Roman…” she sighed as he moved closer again.
Roman felt the emotions rushing in and he stood inches from her and told her what it was like when he thought she died, “Marlena, you’re here and I can hold you in my arms again, I can touch your soft skin and look into those…amazing eyes of yours.” As he spoke, he caressed her cheek and stroked her hair, almost worshipping her and she felt herself getting lost in his eyes and the intense feelings of desire his touch stirred throughout her body. Then, he stepped back a minute while reflecting and his voice quivered as he spoke, a few more tears forming in his eyes as he recounted, “Doc, it was…hell, learning to live without you…every night when I’d go to bed all I could think of was…how we..made love, knowing I would…never touch you, never…love you like that again and every day when I’d wake up and reach for you… and find you weren’t there….Oh God, Doc…I missed you so much, it hurt so bad sometimes that I wanted to die myself, and if it weren’t for the kids….”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry you had to go through that!” she cried as she reached for his hand.
Slightly embarassed at his open display of emotions, he moved away again, toward the door. “Hey…I’m sorry, here I am going on and on about me. Then turning back toward her he added, “Look, Marlena, I just wanted to make sure that you don’t doubt for one second that I am overjoyed that you’re back. No matter what else happens from here on out, promise me you won’t forget that, Doc,” he said rather intensely as he stared into her hesitant eyes.
“I won’t, I promise Roman,” she answered firmly, understanding what he was getting at. It was the issue they weren’t ready to handle, the future. “Roman, I want to tell you what it’s like for me, I was…in a coma-like state and when I came around, I had no idea where I was or what was happening and then I saw a newspaper and I found out that five years had passed. Five years passed by while I was….sleeping. And now, here I am stepping back into a place that I called home and to me it feels like it was only yesterday, but everyone has gone on with their lives without me. I’m not sure how I’ll fit in, that’s why I didn’t contact you immediately, I just felt…so….out of place and I….. ”
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Putting her hand on his neck, just below his cheek to capture his attention, she said compassionately, “No, don’t do that to yourself, Roman it was five years, honey. You grieved for me and moved on, it was what I asked you to do. I’m….happy that you found someone.”
Looking at her with a puzzled expression and then shaking his head to disagree, he said, “Oh, come on Doc, you can’t be happy about this in any way, it has to..hurt you to think I was planning to marry someone else. How can you be so..understanding about this when I don’t even understand it myself?”
He was hurting and she wanted to help him, but wasn’t quite sure how. “Roman, I…love you the same way I have always loved you, but I know that time has passed for you, it was only natural that one day you would find new love and I am glad about that.”
He argued somewhat intensely, telling her his feelings by making an assumption about hers. “Marlena, can you honestly stand there and tell me that there isn’t some small part of you that’s saying, he should have known I was still alive, he should have found me, he should have waited!”
Reaching out to hold him, she urged him not to be so hard on himself, “Oh, Roman, please don’t do this to yourself; there was no way you could have known. Honey, you saw my plane go down, you believed I was dead and you did whatever you had to do to survive the loss.”
Suddenly he became very emotional again, saying,”Yes, but…our love was so strong, Marlena…I should have..sensed your presence, I should have…. Dammit! I should have….known somehow, but I didn’t and because of that you lost five years of your life, five years of being with your children!”
She reached up with her fingertips to wipe some his tears away and then took his face in her tender hands and said, “Roman, I want you to stop this right now, this will get us nowhere, it will only cause you pain. You know that there is no way you could have known and none of what happened to me is your fault. You were not responsible and you did the best you could to survive the pain of losing me.”
Finally, he seemed to accept it and nodded his head, saying, “Okay, you’re right, it doesn’t do any good, but I feel..so bad about it.” Then, he changed directions as he found himself gradually embracing the love emanating from her very pores, while at the same time it made him uncomfortable to feel some physical attraction for someone whose loss he had grieved years earlier. “Do you have any idea how… incredible it is to hear you talking to me, to see you looking into my eyes this way?” he asked as he stared at her with amazement again.
She smiled one of those wide dazzling smiles and said, “Yes, because it feels incredible to be standing here looking at you, touching you, I love you so much Roman!” She whispered in his ear, “It feels so good to be in your arms like this. You smell so good to me..Oh, I love you so…” she finished, pulling his body closer, she couldn’t seem to get close enough. Feeling the desire build, she started to kiss his lips, wishing he could say those words in the same way and make love to her on the spot.
It was so strange and wonderful to have her in front of him after so long and he did love her…very much, but he had mourned for her and tucked that everlasting bond of love for Marlena away in a special place in his heart. It was locked safely inside and now…could he find a way to open up his heart to it again, and if he did, what about his genuine feelings of romantic love for Isabella which were completely in the present? It was suddenly almost overwhelming to Roman and he felt like running, but no… Holding her hand to his lips he said, “Doc, I… love you too, but I…I…. Oh, this is all so…strange..” he said with anguished tones as he pulled away from her slightly. “I’m…sorry, Doc..I’m sorry but I…”
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Realizing that Marlena was standing there waiting for him, he turned to face her saying, “I’m sorry, Marlena, I was..just..thinking. You ready?” he asked, putting on a smile for her benefit. No sense making her feel bad too.
She touched him on the shoulder and replied, “Yes, I am…but I can see that you’re not Roman. Are you sure you want to do this now, tonight? I know you’re worried about hurting Isabella on what was supposed to be a happy occasion for her.”
He sighed..and admitted the truth, “Yea…I am, Doc. But…you’ve already been hurt so much, kept from everyone you love, I can’t ask you to wait. It has to be done and that’s all there is to it, I just wouldn’t feel right about you being in that *dive* another night, you should be….home.”
The way he said it made her feel welcome and his protective attitude toward her was pleasantly familiar as well. And, yet there was guilt about hurting Isabella, who would be completely shocked by the news of her return. “Thank you, Roman, you amaze me you know that, I know this must be so difficult for you.”
Touching her on the cheek with the back of the bent fingers of his right hand, he said, “No, Doc…you are amazing and no matter what, I am so…grateful to have you back and there’s a whole houseful of people who are gonna feel exactly the same way. Let’s go see em, pretty lady!”
This time his smile was genuine and it warmed her heart to see it there, “Alright, let’s go Roman!” she said enthusiastically as he put his arm over her shoulders.
They rode in silence for a few minutes and then Roman started to fill her in on some changes. “Well, Doc…I want to tell you some things to prepare you, the twins are so..big and so grown up, they’re doing great though. They both play soccer and softball, they’re just full of life and bursting with energy. They look so much like you..and…”
“I saw them,” she said, interrupting. I was at the park the other day when you and Isabella were there for their game. I watched from a distance and you’re right, they’ve grown so much and they seemed so happy and well behaved. As hard as it must have been for you, it appears you’ve done a terrific job of raising them.”
He found himself blushing at that. “Thanks, Doc that means alot to me. I’ve worked really hard at it and there were so many times I wished you were there to help me, times when I felt like I really needed your tenderness and your wisdom.” He smiled wistfully and said, “I would talk to you sometimes and I’d say, well Doc what would you do in this situation? and I’d sit and think for a while and then it would come to me. You helped me a lot that way,” he said while grinning at her.
She chuckled at the thought and replied, “Well, I’m so glad I could help you out, Roman.”
Remembering how many times he felt like he was just floundering without her, being a single father, working crazy cop’s hours, he said, “Oh, Doc they needed you so much! I… did the best I could and we managed, but we all needed you and missed you…more than you’ll ever know.”
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His face bore a pained expression for only a moment as he glanced toward the house, and then he was stern with her and his words were convincing. “Yes, Doc you *do* have great timing! Marlena, listen to me here, there aren’t any words that can describe how thrilled I am to see you alive and well, to be able to talk to you like this, to touch you and hold you again! Please don’t ever apologize for coming back.”
Roman was being so wonderful about it and she was touched, “Okay, I won’t, Roman. Thank you for welcoming me back so warmly, so quickly.”
He frowned slightly and said, “Now just what did you expect from me, Marlena?”
“I don’t know, but I realize this is all very hard on you and I appreciate that you wanted to bring me right over here to see everyone.”
“You’re welcome, Doc, but you deserve nothing less than a warm welcome into your own home with all your friends and family around you. You certainly shouldn’t have to spend another night in that shabby place you were in for a couple of days. You could have been…robbed or…hurt…any number of things, I was glad to get you out of there.”
“That’s my hero, I couldn’t possibly take care of myself now could I, Roman?” she asked with teasing challenge in her voice, as she recalled the sign in sheet incident. It was so long ago and yet it felt almost like yesterday to her.
He caught her meaning and smiled warmly at her independence, it was one of the qualities that simultaneously attracted him to her and frustrated him to no end. As he recalled the early days of their renewed relationship when it was him who returned from the dead, he said, “Well.. anyway….I want you…here…Marlena, where you belong, with all the people who love you. We’ll…deal with everything else one step at a time. First, I need to talk to Isabella. Like I said, I’ll wave you over when we’re ready for you.” As he opened the car door, he could see her concern for him in her face and said, “See you in a little bit, Doc…take it easy, I’m gonna be okay….honest,” he said, lying through his teeth. He was far from okay. His life had just been turned upside down as Isabella’s would be in a few short minutes. Still, it wasn’t her fault, so he gave her as close an approximation of a reassuring smile as he could muster and another comforting touch on the cheek.
She grasped his hand briefly, then nodded and leaned back in the seat as he shut the door, knowing it would be awhile before he was ready for her. This wasn’t something one dealt with in a five minute conversation. “Oh God, please watch over all of us, we really need your guidance right now,” she prayed quietly, as she watched the man she loved walk slowly, but deliberately toward his fiancé, fully prepared to pull the rug right out from under her.
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Breaking the powerful silence which seemed much longer than the few seconds that passed, Alice Horton spoke for the entire group when she said, “Well, for heaven’s sake bring her inside, Roman!” with great enthusiasm as she and several others rushed toward the door to open it and let her in.
Roman turned around and managed to make it to the door before all the others, saying, “Now, give her some breathing room, she’s a little nervous about all of this.” He opened the door and took her hand, gently guiding her to the center of the living room and then he said with a wide grin on his face, “Everyone, I present to you the lovely lady who is alive and well after five long years away from us. Welcome home, Marlena Evans!”
“Marlena Evans-Brady, you mean!” said someone in the background and that addition registered on Marlena’s face with happiness, but Roman’s face appeared slightly stricken as if he were suddenly reminded of something he didn’t want to think about at this particular point in time.
“Well, let the celebration begin everyone!” he said cheerfully, ignoring the whole issue. Marlena didn’t miss his reaction and it hurt her, but she cared about his feelings too, so she approached him briefly before allowing herself to be greeted by everyone around the room. The others sensed their need and gave them a few moments alone by backing off slightly and resuming previous conversations, while the couple spoke privately.
“Roman, that comment upset you didn’t it?” she asked.
He smiled at her weakly and denied it, “No, it just caught me off guard that’s all, kind of like this whole deal. Maybe it’s just starting to catch up with me or something,” he said, avoiding the issue again, wishing she would just let it go.
She reached up to touch his face and said softly, “Honey, you don’t have to pretend for me, I understand. You were expecting that Isabella was going to share your last name soon and now…”
Marlena was being too good, too kind about it and it made him feel guilty. Roman pulled slightly away from her touch, saying, “And now….who knows, and besides…I know you don’t understand so would you please just.. stop saying you do.” He said it with an angry edge to his voice that he didn’t intend to put there, but that hurt her feelings nevertheless.
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She reacted sharply to his tone, out of the jealousy she had been denying. Before she took time to think and before he could apologize, she said, “Well, I’m so sorry I complicated your life Roman. I’m sorry that I didn’t stay dead for you!”
Her comments were loud enough to turn heads and both Roman and Marlena felt horrible about their heated exchange. Roman winced painfully for both of them, shut his eyes briefly, and then glanced down at a spot on the living room carpet. Marlena felt angry with herself and quite embarrassed as well. She covered her mouth with her hand in that characteristic gesture of hers and ran back out of the house in tears, leaving everyone in the state of shock they were already experiencing because of her startling return.
After a few polite seconds of silence, Shawn stepped closer to Roman and asked a question in a way that didn’t give the man room for anything but an affirmative response. “Well, aren’t you going to go after her son?” he asked expectantly.
Roman sighed tiredly, then looked up and responded to the inquiry, “Of course I am. Listen, I’m sorry about that, but this is…a lot to handle…for both of us. Please stay everyone, I’ll talk to her and she’ll come back. I know she really wants to see all of you tonight.”
Bo came over and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder and said, “It’s okay, bro…we know this all has to be pretty confusing for you and Marlena and…..Isabella too. You did tell her about this, didn’t you?”
Roman nodded and answered quietly, “Yea…I did, she was great about it, but she said she had to leave.” With a slightly trembling lip he added sadly, “She uh..gave me the ring back…” Roman shut his eyes to force back the pain he felt when she placed the ring in his hand and he was only partially successful in his efforts as a lone tear found its way out of his eye.
His mother could see the pain he was in and knew he was wishing the situation away. A part of her wished she could give him that option, but knowing it wasn’t possible, she decided to help him face it. “I’m sorry, Roman. I know you love her very much, ” said Caroline in a comforting tone. “And, I know this is so hard on you, but you have to think of Marlena too. She needs you right now, go to her Roman.”
He nodded and turned away, walking slowly toward the door. He breathed in and out deeply and then stepped outside, his eyes swiftly scanning the area for Marlena. Seeing her sitting in the car, he approached hesitantly, wondering what he should say to her. He hated hurting her even a little…. “Hey..Doc, are you doing okay?” he asked, his genuine concern evident.
Upon seeing him come up, she instantly began to apologize for her outburst. “I’m sorry, Roman that was uncalled for. I know it’s only natural that you would feel torn and I shouldn’t have said that to you, please forgive me?”
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