He approached her and gently turned her around to face him, wanting to reassure her that he was thrilled she had returned to him. “Marlena, let me tell you right now, you have made me incredibly happy, delerious actually. Doc, you can’t know how….much I missed you, how I ached for you… and now you’re here, looking as….beautiful as ever, no, more beautiful than I even remembered.”
“Oh, Roman…” she sighed as he moved closer again.
Roman felt the emotions rushing in and he stood inches from her and told her what it was like when he thought she died, “Marlena, you’re here and I can hold you in my arms again, I can touch your soft skin and look into those…amazing eyes of yours.” As he spoke, he caressed her cheek and stroked her hair, almost worshipping her and she felt herself getting lost in his eyes and the intense feelings of desire his touch stirred throughout her body. Then, he stepped back a minute while reflecting and his voice quivered as he spoke, a few more tears forming in his eyes as he recounted, “Doc, it was…hell, learning to live without you…every night when I’d go to bed all I could think of was…how we..made love, knowing I would…never touch you, never…love you like that again and every day when I’d wake up and reach for you… and find you weren’t there….Oh God, Doc…I missed you so much, it hurt so bad sometimes that I wanted to die myself, and if it weren’t for the kids….”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry you had to go through that!” she cried as she reached for his hand.
Slightly embarassed at his open display of emotions, he moved away again, toward the door. “Hey…I’m sorry, here I am going on and on about me. Then turning back toward her he added, “Look, Marlena, I just wanted to make sure that you don’t doubt for one second that I am overjoyed that you’re back. No matter what else happens from here on out, promise me you won’t forget that, Doc,” he said rather intensely as he stared into her hesitant eyes.
“I won’t, I promise Roman,” she answered firmly, understanding what he was getting at. It was the issue they weren’t ready to handle, the future. “Roman, I want to tell you what it’s like for me, I was…in a coma-like state and when I came around, I had no idea where I was or what was happening and then I saw a newspaper and I found out that five years had passed. Five years passed by while I was….sleeping. And now, here I am stepping back into a place that I called home and to me it feels like it was only yesterday, but everyone has gone on with their lives without me. I’m not sure how I’ll fit in, that’s why I didn’t contact you immediately, I just felt…so….out of place and I….. ”
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Putting her hand on his neck, just below his cheek to capture his attention, she said compassionately, “No, don’t do that to yourself, Roman it was five years, honey. You grieved for me and moved on, it was what I asked you to do. I’m….happy that you found someone.”
Looking at her with a puzzled expression and then shaking his head to disagree, he said, “Oh, come on Doc, you can’t be happy about this in any way, it has to..hurt you to think I was planning to marry someone else. How can you be so..understanding about this when I don’t even understand it myself?”
He was hurting and she wanted to help him, but wasn’t quite sure how. “Roman, I…love you the same way I have always loved you, but I know that time has passed for you, it was only natural that one day you would find new love and I am glad about that.”
He argued somewhat intensely, telling her his feelings by making an assumption about hers. “Marlena, can you honestly stand there and tell me that there isn’t some small part of you that’s saying, he should have known I was still alive, he should have found me, he should have waited!”
Reaching out to hold him, she urged him not to be so hard on himself, “Oh, Roman, please don’t do this to yourself; there was no way you could have known. Honey, you saw my plane go down, you believed I was dead and you did whatever you had to do to survive the loss.”
Suddenly he became very emotional again, saying,”Yes, but…our love was so strong, Marlena…I should have..sensed your presence, I should have…. Dammit! I should have….known somehow, but I didn’t and because of that you lost five years of your life, five years of being with your children!”
She reached up with her fingertips to wipe some his tears away and then took his face in her tender hands and said, “Roman, I want you to stop this right now, this will get us nowhere, it will only cause you pain. You know that there is no way you could have known and none of what happened to me is your fault. You were not responsible and you did the best you could to survive the pain of losing me.”
Finally, he seemed to accept it and nodded his head, saying, “Okay, you’re right, it doesn’t do any good, but I feel..so bad about it.” Then, he changed directions as he found himself gradually embracing the love emanating from her very pores, while at the same time it made him uncomfortable to feel some physical attraction for someone whose loss he had grieved years earlier. “Do you have any idea how… incredible it is to hear you talking to me, to see you looking into my eyes this way?” he asked as he stared at her with amazement again.
She smiled one of those wide dazzling smiles and said, “Yes, because it feels incredible to be standing here looking at you, touching you, I love you so much Roman!” She whispered in his ear, “It feels so good to be in your arms like this. You smell so good to me..Oh, I love you so…” she finished, pulling his body closer, she couldn’t seem to get close enough. Feeling the desire build, she started to kiss his lips, wishing he could say those words in the same way and make love to her on the spot.
It was so strange and wonderful to have her in front of him after so long and he did love her…very much, but he had mourned for her and tucked that everlasting bond of love for Marlena away in a special place in his heart. It was locked safely inside and now…could he find a way to open up his heart to it again, and if he did, what about his genuine feelings of romantic love for Isabella which were completely in the present? It was suddenly almost overwhelming to Roman and he felt like running, but no… Holding her hand to his lips he said, “Doc, I… love you too, but I…I…. Oh, this is all so…strange..” he said with anguished tones as he pulled away from her slightly. “I’m…sorry, Doc..I’m sorry but I…”
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Realizing that Marlena was standing there waiting for him, he turned to face her saying, “I’m sorry, Marlena, I was..just..thinking. You ready?” he asked, putting on a smile for her benefit. No sense making her feel bad too.
She touched him on the shoulder and replied, “Yes, I am…but I can see that you’re not Roman. Are you sure you want to do this now, tonight? I know you’re worried about hurting Isabella on what was supposed to be a happy occasion for her.”
He sighed..and admitted the truth, “Yea…I am, Doc. But…you’ve already been hurt so much, kept from everyone you love, I can’t ask you to wait. It has to be done and that’s all there is to it, I just wouldn’t feel right about you being in that *dive* another night, you should be….home.”
The way he said it made her feel welcome and his protective attitude toward her was pleasantly familiar as well. And, yet there was guilt about hurting Isabella, who would be completely shocked by the news of her return. “Thank you, Roman, you amaze me you know that, I know this must be so difficult for you.”
Touching her on the cheek with the back of the bent fingers of his right hand, he said, “No, Doc…you are amazing and no matter what, I am so…grateful to have you back and there’s a whole houseful of people who are gonna feel exactly the same way. Let’s go see em, pretty lady!”
This time his smile was genuine and it warmed her heart to see it there, “Alright, let’s go Roman!” she said enthusiastically as he put his arm over her shoulders.
They rode in silence for a few minutes and then Roman started to fill her in on some changes. “Well, Doc…I want to tell you some things to prepare you, the twins are so..big and so grown up, they’re doing great though. They both play soccer and softball, they’re just full of life and bursting with energy. They look so much like you..and…”
“I saw them,” she said, interrupting. I was at the park the other day when you and Isabella were there for their game. I watched from a distance and you’re right, they’ve grown so much and they seemed so happy and well behaved. As hard as it must have been for you, it appears you’ve done a terrific job of raising them.”
He found himself blushing at that. “Thanks, Doc that means alot to me. I’ve worked really hard at it and there were so many times I wished you were there to help me, times when I felt like I really needed your tenderness and your wisdom.” He smiled wistfully and said, “I would talk to you sometimes and I’d say, well Doc what would you do in this situation? and I’d sit and think for a while and then it would come to me. You helped me a lot that way,” he said while grinning at her.
She chuckled at the thought and replied, “Well, I’m so glad I could help you out, Roman.”
Remembering how many times he felt like he was just floundering without her, being a single father, working crazy cop’s hours, he said, “Oh, Doc they needed you so much! I… did the best I could and we managed, but we all needed you and missed you…more than you’ll ever know.”
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His face bore a pained expression for only a moment as he glanced toward the house, and then he was stern with her and his words were convincing. “Yes, Doc you *do* have great timing! Marlena, listen to me here, there aren’t any words that can describe how thrilled I am to see you alive and well, to be able to talk to you like this, to touch you and hold you again! Please don’t ever apologize for coming back.”
Roman was being so wonderful about it and she was touched, “Okay, I won’t, Roman. Thank you for welcoming me back so warmly, so quickly.”
He frowned slightly and said, “Now just what did you expect from me, Marlena?”
“I don’t know, but I realize this is all very hard on you and I appreciate that you wanted to bring me right over here to see everyone.”
“You’re welcome, Doc, but you deserve nothing less than a warm welcome into your own home with all your friends and family around you. You certainly shouldn’t have to spend another night in that shabby place you were in for a couple of days. You could have been…robbed or…hurt…any number of things, I was glad to get you out of there.”
“That’s my hero, I couldn’t possibly take care of myself now could I, Roman?” she asked with teasing challenge in her voice, as she recalled the sign in sheet incident. It was so long ago and yet it felt almost like yesterday to her.
He caught her meaning and smiled warmly at her independence, it was one of the qualities that simultaneously attracted him to her and frustrated him to no end. As he recalled the early days of their renewed relationship when it was him who returned from the dead, he said, “Well.. anyway….I want you…here…Marlena, where you belong, with all the people who love you. We’ll…deal with everything else one step at a time. First, I need to talk to Isabella. Like I said, I’ll wave you over when we’re ready for you.” As he opened the car door, he could see her concern for him in her face and said, “See you in a little bit, Doc…take it easy, I’m gonna be okay….honest,” he said, lying through his teeth. He was far from okay. His life had just been turned upside down as Isabella’s would be in a few short minutes. Still, it wasn’t her fault, so he gave her as close an approximation of a reassuring smile as he could muster and another comforting touch on the cheek.
She grasped his hand briefly, then nodded and leaned back in the seat as he shut the door, knowing it would be awhile before he was ready for her. This wasn’t something one dealt with in a five minute conversation. “Oh God, please watch over all of us, we really need your guidance right now,” she prayed quietly, as she watched the man she loved walk slowly, but deliberately toward his fiancé, fully prepared to pull the rug right out from under her.
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Breaking the powerful silence which seemed much longer than the few seconds that passed, Alice Horton spoke for the entire group when she said, “Well, for heaven’s sake bring her inside, Roman!” with great enthusiasm as she and several others rushed toward the door to open it and let her in.
Roman turned around and managed to make it to the door before all the others, saying, “Now, give her some breathing room, she’s a little nervous about all of this.” He opened the door and took her hand, gently guiding her to the center of the living room and then he said with a wide grin on his face, “Everyone, I present to you the lovely lady who is alive and well after five long years away from us. Welcome home, Marlena Evans!”
“Marlena Evans-Brady, you mean!” said someone in the background and that addition registered on Marlena’s face with happiness, but Roman’s face appeared slightly stricken as if he were suddenly reminded of something he didn’t want to think about at this particular point in time.
“Well, let the celebration begin everyone!” he said cheerfully, ignoring the whole issue. Marlena didn’t miss his reaction and it hurt her, but she cared about his feelings too, so she approached him briefly before allowing herself to be greeted by everyone around the room. The others sensed their need and gave them a few moments alone by backing off slightly and resuming previous conversations, while the couple spoke privately.
“Roman, that comment upset you didn’t it?” she asked.
He smiled at her weakly and denied it, “No, it just caught me off guard that’s all, kind of like this whole deal. Maybe it’s just starting to catch up with me or something,” he said, avoiding the issue again, wishing she would just let it go.
She reached up to touch his face and said softly, “Honey, you don’t have to pretend for me, I understand. You were expecting that Isabella was going to share your last name soon and now…”
Marlena was being too good, too kind about it and it made him feel guilty. Roman pulled slightly away from her touch, saying, “And now….who knows, and besides…I know you don’t understand so would you please just.. stop saying you do.” He said it with an angry edge to his voice that he didn’t intend to put there, but that hurt her feelings nevertheless.
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She reacted sharply to his tone, out of the jealousy she had been denying. Before she took time to think and before he could apologize, she said, “Well, I’m so sorry I complicated your life Roman. I’m sorry that I didn’t stay dead for you!”
Her comments were loud enough to turn heads and both Roman and Marlena felt horrible about their heated exchange. Roman winced painfully for both of them, shut his eyes briefly, and then glanced down at a spot on the living room carpet. Marlena felt angry with herself and quite embarrassed as well. She covered her mouth with her hand in that characteristic gesture of hers and ran back out of the house in tears, leaving everyone in the state of shock they were already experiencing because of her startling return.
After a few polite seconds of silence, Shawn stepped closer to Roman and asked a question in a way that didn’t give the man room for anything but an affirmative response. “Well, aren’t you going to go after her son?” he asked expectantly.
Roman sighed tiredly, then looked up and responded to the inquiry, “Of course I am. Listen, I’m sorry about that, but this is…a lot to handle…for both of us. Please stay everyone, I’ll talk to her and she’ll come back. I know she really wants to see all of you tonight.”
Bo came over and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder and said, “It’s okay, bro…we know this all has to be pretty confusing for you and Marlena and…..Isabella too. You did tell her about this, didn’t you?”
Roman nodded and answered quietly, “Yea…I did, she was great about it, but she said she had to leave.” With a slightly trembling lip he added sadly, “She uh..gave me the ring back…” Roman shut his eyes to force back the pain he felt when she placed the ring in his hand and he was only partially successful in his efforts as a lone tear found its way out of his eye.
His mother could see the pain he was in and knew he was wishing the situation away. A part of her wished she could give him that option, but knowing it wasn’t possible, she decided to help him face it. “I’m sorry, Roman. I know you love her very much, ” said Caroline in a comforting tone. “And, I know this is so hard on you, but you have to think of Marlena too. She needs you right now, go to her Roman.”
He nodded and turned away, walking slowly toward the door. He breathed in and out deeply and then stepped outside, his eyes swiftly scanning the area for Marlena. Seeing her sitting in the car, he approached hesitantly, wondering what he should say to her. He hated hurting her even a little…. “Hey..Doc, are you doing okay?” he asked, his genuine concern evident.
Upon seeing him come up, she instantly began to apologize for her outburst. “I’m sorry, Roman that was uncalled for. I know it’s only natural that you would feel torn and I shouldn’t have said that to you, please forgive me?”
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He instinctively took the blame for the difficult interchange, “No, Doc, I’m sorry. It was my irritated tone that set you off. I apologize for taking out any of my frustration on you, this is not your fault. I told you before I am overjoyed that you’re alive and well and that you came back home, and I meant it. I’m just…having some trouble dealing with all of the changes; it’s happening so fast, you know?”
She felt it too and agreed, “Yes, I know.” There was an awkward silence which she finally broke by asking a question, “Roman could you please…hold me?” He stepped closer and gently pulled her to a standing position, then wrapped his strong muscular arms around her. “There, how’s that? he asked pleasantly.
It was wonderful to be in those arms again, it always felt so secure and she replied, “Ah…just about as safe and warm as I remembered it being. Thank you, Roman.”
Roman was a little surprised to feel that warmth and security himself, “Well, it feels pretty darn good to me too, Marlena. I almost forgot what it felt like to have you in my arms. I…missed you so much!”
“I know you did…I’m so sorry that I couldn’t come back sooner.”
“Me too, Doc…me too,” he said remembering how much he suffered when he thought she was dead. He had floundered and wished himself dead any number of long lonely nights without her. Suddenly, he said anxiously, “Marlena…I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you..I’m really sorry that I didn’t know you were still alive!” Tears suddenly came to his eyes, taking him by surprise and his voice trembled with remorse for falling in love with someone else.
Marlena pulled out of the embrace, touched by the emotion in his voice and his words, but she didn’t want him to blame himself for moving on. No matter if she felt some jealousy, she really didn’t want that at all. Crying again herself, Marlena reached out to wipe a straggling tear off his cheek as she said tenderly, “Oh, honey..I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty for falling in love again, I really don’t want you to feel bad about that. There was no way you could have known, Roman, and I wanted you to find happiness again.”
His anguish seemed to be increasing by the moment as he said, “I can’t help it, Doc…If I had waited…none of this would be happening. Isabella wouldn’t be alone right now and crying over me and I wouldn’t be hurting you by not being able to just…take you right back into my life, into my heart and accept you as my wife. You are the last two people I would ever want to hurt and there’s no way around it, Doc. No matter what I do from now on, one of you is going to be hurt because of me.”
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Hand in hand they entered the home in which they once shared every part of themselves. Tonight there were many friends and family members waiting patiently, but with apprehension as there was much uncertainty ahead for this pair. Roman smiled warmly at Marlena as he turned the doorknob and ushered her back inside, saying, “Let’s try this again, shall we? Welcome home, Marlena.”
She melted into that warm greeting, “Thank you, Roman.” Then she looked up to a sea of loving, welcoming smiles and they all called out at once, “Welcome Home Marlena!!” Before she knew it she was surrounded by love as Shawn and Caroline, Tom and Alice, Maggie and Mickey, Hope, Bo, Kayla and all the other people that she loved came over to embrace the woman they had all mourned for five long years. “It’s a miracle! I can hardly believe it! You’re really alive and well!” Those and so many other comments were heard as the group continued to adjust to the return of someone who was dearly loved, but had been presumed dead for five long years.
Still in her own kind of shock she said a heartfelt, “Oh, this is..so.. wonderful! Thank you all so much!” she cried, tears leaking out and trickling joyfully down her slightly flushed cheeks. She turned back toward the smiling Roman and mouthed a quiet, “Thank you.”
He leaned in and wrapped his arms around her and said in her ear, “You’re welcome, Doc…I’m so glad you’re home now. We all missed you more than we can say.”
“Okay…tell us all about what happened? Do you know where you were?” asked Bo, the detective in him seeking answers.
Roman felt his protective nature returning powerfully as he said, “Hey, Bo…why don’t we give her a break, there will be time for all of that later; let’s just let her enjoy being here for now, okay…everybody?”
“You’re right, I’m sorry, Welcome Home, Marlena,” Bo said as he pulled her into a warm embrace.
“Thank you, Bo. I’m glad to be back. Roman tells me you and Hope have a little boy named Shawn Douglas, you wouldn’t happen to have any pictures would you?”
Hope stepped forward, “I do! I always carry some with me, Marlena,” she said with excitement as she began to pull out the photos of her adorable boy.
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“Oh, Hope…Bo, he is so cute…I can’t wait to see him!” Marlena said with enthusiasm, while also anticipating seeing her own children in the morning. They had decided to wait until the next day to spring the news on the kids, who were sleeping soundly. The twins were able to sleep through just about anything, or so it seemed to Roman.
Within minutes Marlena found herself catching up with everyone and Roman just stood back watching with a satisfied smile gracing his face. “Oh, Marlena…I can’t tell you what’s ahead for us, but I sure am glad you came back home,” he said to himself in a whisper. Roman knew he had made the right decision in bringing her straight to the house when he looked around at all the happy faces that filled his home and heard the sounds of her soft laughter echoing off its walls. “Welcome home, Doc.. welcome home.”
As he leaned against a wall and watched his friends and family gather around to tell her all the news, he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard a comforting voice. “So, how are you doing with all of this, Roman?” asked his little sister Kayla.
He turned to her instantly, saying, “Honestly?”
“Yes, of course, honestly. I know it couldn’t have been easy to tell Isabella about Marlena being alive.”
He sighed with relief, knowing he could tell her his true feelings, “No it wasn’t…. it was the toughest thing I’ve had to do since I told Carrie that Marlena….that I thought Marlena had died. Pretty ironic isn’t it?” he said, trying to muster a smile, but failing.
“Yes..it is. I’m sorry about that, Roman. It must have been very hard to do it on a night when you were supposed to be celebrating your engagement with her.”
He shrugged it off, “Yea, well…it just couldn’t be helped. I couldn’t really ask Marlena to wait any longer to see everyone either. It was the right thing to do.” Thinking back to the moment he told his fiance the news, Roman sighed again and said, ” I just wish I didn’t have to hurt her, Kayla. She was so…strong, she was better about it than I was. Izzy B realized right away that she had to move out and she gave me back the ring. She said we couldn’t be engaged because my wife had returned. I couldn’t even think that far.”
Kayla could see he was struggling with his emotions and hugged him lightly, saying, “I’m sorry Roman. I know how much you love her, how much you were looking forward to the wedding. This must be quite a shock for you.”
He nodded and smiled strangely, “You could say that, yea. I sure wish there was a way to make it so that nobody would get hurt in this scenario,” he said sadly.
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Kayla had shared that thought, “Me too, Roman. But, you know there isn’t, don’t you? At some point, you have to make a choice between them, and one of them will be hurt.”
A few tears came to his eyes and he nodded and struggled to respond. Absently running his fingers through his hair, he said, “I know…Kay…I know. I just wish… Oh, man….if only I had waited for her.”
His sister touched his arm to get his full attention and said, “Stop right there, big brother. There was absolutely no way you could have known she was still alive, Roman. You did everything you could to find her when she first turned up missing and you saw the plane go down for goodness sake. I don’t want to hear you say that again, this situation is not your fault!”
Bo approached, hearing the tail end of her comments and agreed, “She’s right, bro…you couldn’t have known and it was five years ago.”
He looked at them both and smiled, thanking God for their support. “Okay, you’re right, I couldn’t have known. Besides, no amount of wishing is gonna change reality here. I just have to find a way to face the fact that I…can’t love them both.”
“But you do, don’t you? You love them both very much,” his sister said softly, yet sounding certain of her statement.
He fingered the ring in his jacket pocket and pulled it out to look at it, remembering the day he proposed, picturing the delight on Isabella’s face and the happy tears they had both shed that day. Then he glanced over at Marlena, admiring the radiant smile on her face and the sparkle in her eyes; he remembered the agonizing grief he experienced when he lost her and the overwhelming sense of joy he felt in the instant he first saw her alive on the pier. After a few long moments of contemplation, he turned back to look at his siblings and said firmly, “Yes, I do. I love them both.. more than words can say.. and I have no idea what in the world I’m gonna do about that right now.”
“It’s okay, Roman. We all know it’s going to take some time for you to make sense out of all this and decide what your future holds. I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk, I’m available big brother.”
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